Do men need to become men again?

by Leander

Inner peace is a choice

Inner peace is a choice

Hello everyone

I have come up with an idea that I feel can make a large contribution to society. Obviously, sharing it in this forum means placing a lot of trust in the type of people becoming life coaches.

I have the idea that men are so brow beaten these days that they have no idea anymore what it means to be a man. A constant bombardment of equality, sexism, racism, demand for performance, criticism, institutional bullying, changing demographics and the underlying demand for them to still "provide", has led to a lot of frustration, insecurity and clashing of energies.

Please understand that this is not a rant against women's rights or women's contribution to society, but a way to get men to realize that they are not threatened by women and that both sexes must complement each other in contributing to society on an equal footing.

Men must realize that self expression is a right of every single person, not something that you "allow" somebody to do.

I am of the opinion that this frustration of traditional roles versus current development has led to the breaking up of homes, violence and abuse, lack of taking responsibility, depleted self worth and a general apathy.

Maybe this sounds harsh or contrite but that is the way I perceive it. Every newspaper you open, every article you read speaks about abuse, murder, mayhem and crime. All these atrocities are being committed right in front of us and nobody takes the responsibility for their actions or lack thereof.

Now here is my idea.

An internet site that empowers men to think of their traditional role in a proud and responsible way; re-affirming their role as providers, leaders, supporters to both women and children, proud of their achievements, consistent in their love and discipline, able to listen and give space to their wives' ambitions and development, guide their children on a fulfilling path to self expression, be proud of the work they are doing, express themselves in their chosen careers, handle stressful situations, de-personalize criticism, manage anger and frustration, etc., etc.

I would like to request a few ideas as I already have a rough outline for the course as well as an idea for a series of articles.

Do the aspirant lady coaches on the site want to give a few ideas, and their comments in particular, about this concept, especially from the female perspective? Would some of the male aspirant coaches like to give me an idea of what they see it means to 'be a man'?

Your comments and feedback would be highly appreciated
as I think we are all like minded in the contribution we wish to make in society.

Comments for Do men need to become men again?

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 28, 2008
Responsibility & Choice
by: Denise

What a pity that so many people do not realise that they are able to make choices. So many people believe that they are a product of circumstance and that they are unable to change their fate. Existential therapists emphasize our freedom to choose what to make of our circumstances. That we are free and therefore responsible for our choices and actions. From this perspective we are not victims of circumstance, because to a large extent we are what we choose to be.

Your reply was so beautifully written and inspirational. Although I have academic qualifications I have had no practical life coaching experience. I look forward to being equipped enough to encourage clients to reflect on life, to recognize their range of alternatives and to decide amongh them. In essence I would like to assist people in their search for value and meaning in their lives.


Nov 28, 2008
Responsibility must be rewarding
by: Leander

Hi Denise

Absolutely correct. No male or female should be the "head" of the house. I suppose we should coin new terminology for all the roles that have to be filled. The best one though is responsibility. Be responsible for your actions and responsible for the role that you choose to share with loved ones, responsible for your choices you make and realise that life does not "happen" to you, you make it go the way you envision it.

Often ones choices do not have the desired result. That does not mean fate or the Universe or some mean deity is conspiring against you and taking pleasure in your discomfort/problem/challenge. It just means that you must learn not to make that choice again, make a different one and get on with it.

That must be the reward, the learning curve. The realisation that as you are making choices and learning from them, so is the rest of the world. One is never alone, either in your choices or the result of those choices. We as men/role models/other half of all that is, must however get rid of the EGO that drives our lives and realise that it is not happening TO us as individuals but rather AROUND us and where we choose to place ourselves in all these events defines who we are or become.

It basically boils down to thinking clearly. This enables one to see opportunities which are beneficial to what our spirit, individually, will thrive on. Clear thinking comes from healthy living, inner peace and meditation and prayer. In case that sounds a bit esoteric let me assure you anyone can achieve this.

You can think, dream, observe, plan, pray, meditate while you are driving, sitting at your desk, 5 minutes on your own, even in the shower! There is always enough time! We all have exactly the same number of seconds between sunrises or sunsets! What we CHOOSE to do within those seconds is the crux of the matter.

Anyway thanks for reminding me of a thought I had a while ago. Life is good and all you aspirant and qualified coaches keep it up. I have seen the difference I am making as a person in the life of a family, a business and most importantly myself just by applying the lessons I have read about.

As I place myself in this stream of joy and abundance on a constant basis, the blessing of life becomes greater with each moment. I have come to realise that for me abundance means happiness and inner peace. The rest, money, partner, family, holidays, fancy stuff etc seems to sneak up on you when you keep yourself in this frame of mind. I enjoy what comes my way, try to pass it on so that I am constantly open for more.

Choose to be happy and choose to be responsible that is the secret to life.

Till the next reply


Nov 27, 2008
"Social Construction" of gender roles
by: Denise Kriel

I love your idea of building up the self esteem of men in today's society. I feel it is important to keep in mind however that there is no set 'male' role in society. All roles and gender for that matter are socially contructed by society. We did an interesting course on Social Construction in my Psychology honours degree. A book on this topic: "An introduction to Social Constructionism" by Vivien Burr if you are interested in reading up on it. I think what is very important is that people become comfortable in choosing for themselves what it is to be a male/person in today's society. If they are drawn toward traditionally constructed male role's then they should feel confident to live according to these values/beliefs and to withstand pressure/critism from potentially negative post-modernest views. This said it is also important to note that families that have taken on equal status and responsibility in the work/home environment are able to embrace this way of life and to still support and appreciate each individual in their own right.
Thanks for sharing your idea.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to NIA Life Coach Forum.