Your life is one big exercise in avoiding pain and gaining pleasure.
Think about it. Why are you considering training to be a coach? Is it because you believe that on some level being a coach will lead to great pleasure? Or is it because your old job/life was not what you wanted it to be and you had to get out of it?
Your brain is made up of different brains grown on top of one another.
What this means is that in your brain you have the brain of an alligator, the brain of an elephant, the brain of a chicken and the brain of a dinosaur!
In fact, you have a layer, if you like, in your brain, of every living thing that has ever been on the face of the Earth. Kind of like the circles you see in a cross section of a tree when you cut it, and that represent the age of the tree.
What does that mean to us?
Well, inherent within your brain at a very deep intrinsic level is the fight or flight response, or pain detector.
Now, when prehistoric man walked the Earth, it was a great skill to be able to recognise that a Stegosaurus would kill you and thus you should opt to run away. In fact, that skill was so valuable that it became instinctive, or unconscious (i.e. not requiring one to think about it). So - any time prehistoric man came near something that could cause pain he would instinctively run away.
Conversely whenever anything that would result in pleasure arrived on the scene (e.g. someone that caught the eye!) the brain would go into auto pilot mode and draw you towards the pleasure source. This helped us propagate our species and multiply rapidly.
OK, cut to today.
Now we still have those same response mechanisms inside our brains, only now we don’t need them as much, and often the greatest danger we face in the developed world is the danger of not doing something right or feeling embarrassed or rejected. So now - instead of the brain linking physical pain with a bite from a Stegosaurus, it links emotional pain to an embarrassing situation.
Any time you are attempting to do something new and your brain gets the slightest whiff, it may result in (perceived) pain, it will go into autopilot and make arrangements to 'remove you from the scene' - pronto!!
Believe it or not this is wonderful, when you can direct it. The snag is that most people run on auto pilot most of the time, and just go about blindly linking up public speaking with pain, failing with pain, drugs with pleasure, guns with pleasure etc.
Remember: “There is nothing either right or wrong, but thinking makes it so” as Shakespeare so wisely said.
So, cut to a coaching session.
If you, as the coach, want to help someone to change and you know that their brain will do ANYTHING to avoid pain and get pleasure, you can use this. All you need to do is link massive pain to their current behaviour and ultimate pleasure to the new behaviour.
So get them your client to attach huge pain to the concept of not achieving their goals. It will help them, ultimately, to get out of pain. If you are thinking: "Why would we want to get them thinking negative thoughts", it’s because we want them to use the God given biology that they have in a constructive way, i.e. not ignore the fact that pain works as a motivator!!
* What are the consequences of you doing that?
* Who else is affected by this?
* What would happen if you didn’t change?
* What would your friends think of you (use anything you can)?
* What will happen if you get this sorted?
* How would your life be better?
* How has this held you back in the past?
* What has this cost you so far?
* How will it cost you in the future?
The outcome is simple - to get your client to change.
Sometimes your client might not understand what you are doing, sometimes you may upset them, and sometimes you might get them to feel the pain of what is happening.
However this is insignificant compared to the joy they will feel when they have broken free and become all they can be. Your outcome here is to do whatever it takes - you cannot be weak here - if you really want to help them, then you may have to create a little pain for them before you help them create enormous pleasure.
This material is not intended as advice and New Insights Africa accepts no liability for it’s use. For full details of how to use this information see the New Insights Life Coach Training Programme