by Donald Masasanya
(Soweto, Johannesburg, South Africa)
Communication is a very complicated subject indeed and often in my experience the very source of conflict in most relationships (personal, professional and otherwise). Always acknowledged as a challenging phenomenon but never got right and still conflict persists. I agree that how a message is decoded by the recipient is based on his/her experiences and I am convinced that what is communicated needs to be interrogated by both parties to ensure that the intended message is cleared - that for me is the challenge and what communication is about. Talking about and clarifying the message until both parties share the same understanding of the message - not that they need to agree on the matter, but at least need to ensure that they share the same understanding. Clarifying the message might be a time-consuming exercise but very essential to an understanding of the message.
This newsletter really caught my attention, because authentic communication is, unfortunately, very rare. I have a sneaking suspicion that life would be so much simpler if we all said what we really feel, rather than what we think the other party wants to hear. Which brings me to your final remark, "listening attentively." Another art that for most of us could do with some serious work!
Food for thought indeed! Only problem is when one's husband is the one not communicating in any way, no matter how hard you try to get him to! Tried many different approaches but the lies just keep on and on!
Tell me how to live positively when you get absolutely nothing out of your marriage. Tried for 10 years, and just don't feel up to it anymore, but still try to stay positive!
The Art of Communication is to stop worrying about a persons feelings and to be honest about how you feel e.g somebody cooks you a meal and after you have eaten it they ask you what did you think about the meal you must be honest if you felt it was tasteless tell them so that the next time they remember to add more salt for the flavour.